Turtles-Paradise

I feel like a grown up.

For my whole life, people have told me I seem older than what I am. I was sensible, mature, responsible.

When I turned 18, I felt like I was stuck in a time-warp. I stayed 18 for a long time.

Now I feel like I’m 25. A quarter of a century. Going from 18 to 25 is a little strange.

It is about suddenly being the one with experience, the one who travelled, the one with stories to tell, the one who knows how to untangle the thread of bureaucracy, who knows how to navigate the treacherous waters of life. The one who, when someone knocks a glass of coke over, goes and grabs the tissue.

I am, suddenly, a first aider. A fork-lift truck driver. A business woman. I fill in tax forms every year, well ahead of the deadline. I cook my own meals, wash my own clothes, choose my own books. I plant herbs and vegetables. I’m practical. I’m unflappable.

Today, our 18 year old new employee, turned to me and asked, in a wistful kind of way – “Do you know what it is you want to do with your life?”

And all the answers I once had – to be a writer, a director, create a commune, be a journalist, travel the world – they were all cop-outs. Not because they are failed dreams, but because we are so many things in the course of a lifetime – that I value my role as a friend, a lover, a daughter. That I can be a web-designer, a council officer, a writer, a blogger and none of it is ‘what I’m doing with my life’.

All I’m doing with my life is living it.

There are few things in life so scary and so invigorating as a fresh start. ‘Wiping the slate clean’ and starting over.

This is not so much a fresh start, however, as an evolution. Turtles-Paradise has been with me for longer than I care to remember. It has served me well – holding up the Final Fantasy 7 obsessed rantings of my teenage years, the pseudo-intellectual ramblings of my early twenties, and now to be the repository of my ravings about my new obsessions.

Those obsessions being somewhat related; minimalism, frugality, downsizing (or downshifting), tiny living, permaculture, sustainability. A zen like approach to happiness and fulfillment. Finding value in doing everything mindfully and happily.

I will begin this story in the middle. Twenty five years old, married, working in web-design and for the council (the waste industry, if you are wondering), breaking just about even on the income/expenditure line, £100 in savings, with a penchant for good books, long holidays, container gardening and real food.

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